Emergency Words

Okay the situation arises. You have to ask or say something to someone quickly, like in 10 seconds. But the situation is too complicated to explain. So what do you do? You use emergency words. Words that convey everything about a situation without you having to explain it.

Situation [two guys at a high school reunion, one guy introduces his high school friend to another and exits. Another guy joins them.]


Guy 1: “Plong” (‘dude, some other dude just left me with his high school friend who seems to think Star Wars is the best thing to ever happen to mankind. I am extremely bored, and yet think it’s impolite to just leave him alone without a legitimate excuse for it. So please get me out of here with a fake emergency.’)

Guy 2: “Samquip” (‘bro, sorry, I just saw Jessica from middle school. She looks extremely hot and I am going to go talk to her. But I can spill my drink on your shirt to give you an excuse to go the bathroom and then out of here.’)

Guy 1: “pleragot!”(‘Damn it! No thanks. This is Italian leather. My dad would kill me!’)

Guy 2: “sletorp” (see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya. See you later, alligator. Don’t mess up your tie, goodbye. And other variations on the theme.)

Guy 1: “Asshole!”(‘Thank you for your kind attention to the problem at hand. I appreciate that you took time and effort to solve my current predicament and that there is nothing you can do. Be on your way, my kind and helpful friend.’ Use this only under extreme cases, or else it could be misinterpreted.)

Guy 3(High school friend. Thoroughly confused.): “um, I am going to check out something way over there….”

Guy 1: “sehrsrffkfjjlwjklweoko!” (‘Awesome!’. Yeah this could do with some improving.)

Guy 2: flirting with Jessica.


Frustrated individual in a world with lots and lots of other similarly frustrated individuals.

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Posted in humor

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