Human Toys

First came the prostitutes. Then came the escorts. Then came the Russian mail order brides. And today in the paper I found that scientists had synthesized a perfect functioning mechanical human hand. And that’s when I realized we are heading towards a world where even humans can be customized for peoples benefits.

Customized Friends


A Posse – a group of people customized to laugh at whatever you say, except when you tell them not to.

The Ass-Licker – Does everything including licking your… you get the point.

The Friend Zone Friend – always puts you in the friend zone. (Not for you. You buy this for your enemies.)

Customized Family


Mom – Who continually says that you can do better in life, and when you screw up, says it will get better.

Dad – friend and willing advisor, who also gives you money from time to time for no reason.


Siblings – Younger Brother – to blame stuff on.

Older Sister – to get girl advice from.

Older Brother – whose porn you can access.

Customized Enemies

The Bully – can be customized for cyber or physical bullying.

The Competitor – Competes with you over everything.

The Parasite – follows you around and bad mouths you pretty much everywhere.

(Arguments can be made for why someone would get enemies. Well, life gets boring without an arch enemy to liven it up. Trust me, I had one. Well, not an arch arch enemy, but it was fun.)



Frustrated individual in a world with lots and lots of other similarly frustrated individuals.

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Posted in humor

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