The bleeping Censors!

The first instance of censorship you see from your childhood days is the flower which is put on the screen when the hero and heroine are about to you know, get their groove on.[This is only in old Indian movies you know[This note is for the foreigners who might stumble on to the blog by mistake]]. But anyway, thus began an age old saga of ‘To bleep or not to Bleep’. And unfortunately it resulted in a whole lot of bleeping bleeps.

                              I don’t know what happens in other countries, but the level of censorship on Indian television has to be seen to be believed. And if you believe me, you won’t see it. Just the other day, I was watching ‘Jab we met’ on T.V. Remember that really funny scene where Kareena goes on to abuse the guy who ditched her? Epic fail. She picked up the phone with full gusto and then ‘bleep! bleep! Bleep  bleep bleep! BLEEP BleeP BLeeP BLEEP, bleep bleeep, teri ma ki!’ was all that came out. And later that night on the radio, “And now we have Eminem’s ‘Superman’, followed by 3 minutes of silence. I didn’t know whether to be pissed or to laugh. I decided to be pissed. I mean what the bloody bleep?

                What is even more pissing off is the blank or silence which is becoming more popular these days than the ‘BLEEP!’. I mean at any rate the bleep showed that some good old fashioned abusing was going on, but now during some long drawn out, expletive-laden scene or an Eminem song, you occasionally wonder if you pressed the mute button by mistake. And the censor doesn’t even have the courtesy to leave the first syllable audible, so as to let you know what the word was. Something like, ‘hey, A*****E!’, if all you get is ‘Hey, *******!’, unless you’re an expert in lip-reading, the word could be anything from, ‘Bastard’ to ‘Lesbian’. In fact a popular game can be devised from this. Watch some movie on T.V, preferably some gangster movie (lots of abuses) and then try guessing what the insults are, and see if you’re right by watching the real uncensored version. A 100 Points to anyone who gets all the words right. These points don’t mean anything of course, just proof that you wasted some hours of your life in a pointless game.(pun intended)

                     The point is (okay going too far with the point thing), that these people far from making TV more viewable are making people go away from it. I mean wouldn’t you rather watch ‘The Big Bang Theory’ online, than see the crap on TV where you hear stuff like ‘wow, that dress looks bleep!’(Hot). Given the rate these censor happy people are going, here’s whats going to happen in the future of censoring.

“Sam! I love you bleep(but) it can’t go on” (sounds like Butt)

“Hence, the loyal bleep(dog) is one of earths beloved creatures”( Dog is God spelled backwards, Blasphemy!)

 “I promise to provide Running water, Electricity, Industrial development, a space program…..”(This is a personal choice. Stuff like this should be censored because after all, it’s a politician speaking)

“** *** China ***** ****** *** ** *****”(Anything to do with China).

“And India is still engaged in peace talks with bleepistan” (Hey the word ‘Paki’ is offensive, you know).

“And sen*** stocks are dropping like crow shit”(Obvious)

“According to several reports, Switzerland has decided to make a separate bank just to hold Indian bleep(black) money.”(hey, its african american)

The word pandemonism (If you remove the letters  a,n,d,m,o,m it forms the word ‘Penis’)

           And I don’t buy into all that talk, that censoring violence and all that is justified because it protects youngsters from being exposed to and influenced by these scenes. If so, why don’t you stop production of those video games where you go, level after level, just killing people? I mean half the video games today could jut be labelled ‘Pointless and Violent Killing-Part 1’. Stupid people. I feel like buying a gun and shooting them all. Us get influenced by TV violence? Never! Now where’s the nearest store for a gun license?


Frustrated individual in a world with lots and lots of other similarly frustrated individuals.

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Posted in humor

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