The first recorded official lottery was chartered by Queen Elizabeth I, in the year 1566, and was drawn in 1569. And when someone won the first prize, people around him muttered, “Zooterkins! Lucky arse!”[Yeah, they used words like that then]. But anyway, thus the concept of luck was born. It was a powerful concept, which explained many things. Like the creation of the earth, the extinction of dinosaurs so the human race survived, putting a man on the moon, why the dick head at work got the promotion. It was all plain luck. In fact it is speculated that Einstein wanted to use it to explain his ‘Theory Of Everything’, but didn’t get funding as people believed it was unlucky to do so.
Now, Luck, though varied and complex follows some basic rules. Lets go through them.
- Horseshoes – good luck, A black cat walking across your path- Bad luck. Thus if a black cat ever crosses you the best way to neutralize its bad luck is to throw a horseshoe at it.
- A stray eyelash is considered as good luck. Why wait for it to come off? Get a pair of tweezers and get a job at the local hairdresser for the wishes you need.
- Splitting salt is bad luck. Which explains the bad luck we encountered when Gandhiji picked up salt from the sea for the ‘Dandi March’ i.e we got independence and started choosing our own political leaders.(what a great decision that was).
- Putting your left foot down first when getting out of bed – Bad luck. Solution? easy peasy – Amputation.
- Curdled milk – Bad luck. Solution – Be a man. Drink Alcohol.
- The number 13 – Bad luck. The best thing to do here is to eliminate 13 from mathematics. Use substitutions like (14-1), 39/3, etc when solving problems.
- Walking under a ladder – Bad luck. Picking up a penny – good luck. If you ever walk under a ladder drop a penny and pick it up. Neutralized, bitch!
- Breaking mirrors – Bad luck. Simple. Abolish mirrors. You are not that good- looking anyway.